Tuesday, March 26, 2013


Got some less than awesome news about a friend today.  For hours I acted normal. But my thoughts keep going back to her. Then just this weird thing where I'm doing normal things and thinking, "How can I just laugh/answer phones/eat chips while she is going through this?"

I have to tell you this is so surreal. I want her to be well. I want a promise that we'll be old ladies together. I want to do more for her. I want to be a good friend to her.

I was watching some TV show and I sort of fell apart for a moment. Just sobbed. Sad. Helpless.

Please, Universe, Divine, God, Goddess, whomever.. Please help make my friend well.

Friday, March 01, 2013

Amanda Palmer Knows Something

Recently I posted to facebook.. I said the messages come to us with perfect timing.  This is no exception.  Recently it was implied that my intentions weren't enough.  "Love doesn't pay the bills."  By all means, I'm working.  And Brett is now searching for work (both as an EMT and as whatever else will help pay for our lifestyle)... but I make small bags of tea and lotions and trade services (yes, behind on several) and I say things like, "Thank you for calling REI...."  But what I'm doing is trying to make connections, to help others, to share skills and to listen to my heart on my next move as often as I can.

We often have this cloud over us pointing out what we're doing wrong.  I don't make enough.  Brett should have stuck with the job with the good pay.  I need to be better at all things.

But, my friends, I am living my truth.  I am living from my heart.  I know I sometimes fall short when I second guess myself and I'm doing what I can to stop that.

I am a work in progress.  I am beautiful the way I am.  All of my silly mistakes.  All of my poor choices.  They are all shaping me and forming me.  I am working on my own personal responsibility and I'm learning to respect and honor where I'm coming from in this very moment.  I love you, Johanna and all the sugar you eat and the silly things you shouldn't have bought.  Because once I love myself and see every crappy move as a step towards growing who I am and, again, learning to live from my heart, that's when I learn.  That's when I can shift to the next level and the better decisions.

Yes, this all came to me from watching a video by Amanda Palmer.