Monday, November 05, 2012

Thanksgiving

I really am so grateful for so much in my life.  I just wanted to share just a tidbit of that.

I am grateful for my son.  He made me a mother, the only thing I ever knew I wanted to be when I grew up. From the first flutters in my belly to the rushed hug he gave me yesterday, all amazing gifts that I keep getting.  He is smart, sensitive and remarkably funny.  I am SO lucky.

I am grateful for my husband.  This shift we made in our living space, in our careers, in everything, has made room for us to grow together stronger than we were before.  We got our honeymoon period we never got.  Leisurely waking up together.  Snuggling.  Being playful.  Growing not only the love but the friendship as well.

I am grateful for my friends.  They are so very important to me.  They give me the space to grow without judgement.  They love me and support me while I grow.  They have given me oh so much in life.  I am so blessed!

I am grateful for my family.  No matter our crazy, dysfunctional challenges my family truly loves me.  I grew up knowing that no matter what I did, no matter my mistake, that I could go home and I'd still be loved.  Learning experiences do not define you except how you grow from them.  My parents got this.  My brothers tolerated the whiney, bratty little sister whose only wish was for her brothers to like her.  No matter how much I am the weirdo, I know they still love me.  Oh, they don't understand me, but they love me.  

What are you grateful for?

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Make it Better

Today I felt a bit down.  I think it was because typically Marsh is with me on Halloween.  I did call and talk to him and sent him a photo of his pumpkin on the front steps.  He's saving me a butterfinger (he knows I love them but won't buy them as Nestle are immoral a-holes, and yes, they've done jackassery type things even in recent history).

I contemplated not getting out of bed.  As it was I stayed in bed LATE.  Well, the bonus about living above a friend is she invited me to come down and carve pumpkins with her and her boy.  This did wonders to setting my day straight.

Then my friend Jeannie called and wanted help finding a computer.  She was saying "Oh, you don't have to do it now."  Then I told her I'd LOVE to get out of the house.  So we met up at Best Buy and I got to look at all sorts of wonderful gadgetry.  I saw what I want to get Marshie for Christmas, and possibly what I want to get Brett.  I saw a tablet to draw on (not an Android tablet, although I saw those too).  Man the possibilities in art if I had one of them... whew!  Christmas list for me?  Birthday?  *shrug*  Anyway.. I helped my friend pick a computer (she gets it Tuesday and I'll help her set it up) AND I got to geek out.  Yay!  Afterwards we went to the Tacoma Mall where I got to see tons of round faced kids in costume.  Nearly died of the cute.  DIED.

Went home.  Brett wasn't quite home (he had been home but ran to the Met.. he has an addiction) so I hung out with my other downstairs neighbor friend (the other friend's husband).  He just got the Kindle HD but is going to return it for the Nexus 7.  We talked geek fun and nutrition.  Then Brett got home and joined us.  We handed out candy and chatted.

Then Brett and I found some missing items in the basement (like my Nook charger) and headed up to bed.  Lazed about, him on his computer, me playing with my charging Nook.  I tried it once again as a Nook but ended up frustrated with my limitations and put the micro sd card in to reboot it as a tablet.  Definitely want a faster tablet one day.  My phone kicks the Nook's ass.  Did some laundry.  Now I'm sitting up in bed pounding on my keys and the B is beside me snoring.

So..... And update on what's going on...

Brett and I are getting along pretty dang great.  I really think we needed a BIG change and some time together alone (we never got that as I had a 1 year old when we met).  I miss my kiddo, I do.  But I think this time with Brett, to focus on our relationship has been so valuable. Also, I think it's good for Marsh to have this time with his dad, and good for Chris too.  I don't want Marshall to one day be an adult and say he never really lived with his dad (first 3 months don't count) and that Chris never had a chance to live with his son.  I really hope they both cherish it.

I also strongly believe, and I may have mentioned it before, now that I realized Brett's happiness is not my responsibility and my happiness is not Brett's responsibility, we are both taking charge of our OWN happiness and just loving each other.  I wanted Brett to do all this growing.  Well, you know what?  I had to get out of the way and stop running the show.  He has been making so many decisions since then all towards finding out what is going to make him happy.  He quit the job that he's hated for the last something like 7 years.  He hated it since day one.  Hell, when he got the job he sounded so resigned.  Now he's looking at EMT training (I think he would LOVE to do it) and possibly firefighter training (terrifying to me but I'll support him in whatever).  He's going back to ND for now (he's not sure how long he'll do it) on the rotational thing and during that time he's going to try to figure out what he really wants to do.  I have to say it's insanely exciting to see him blossom in such a way.  It just fills my heart with joy.  He is happier.  He is growing.  And he is so much more playful now.  We have been having much fun!

Oh, and since I stopped making him responsible for my happiness I have found it so much easier to find it on my own.  I do have my funks.  If you read my blog you pretty much see all of them as I seem to always write then.  Seriously, for the most part I have been really happy as of late.  I don't let things get me down so much.  I actively seek joy.  I look for the good things that are happening and damn, they are all around me!

I have been totally savoring this time with Brett.  I will miss him so much when he is gone but I will look at it as an opportunity to sort my own stuff out.  To create healthy habits.  To dive into my creativity.  To figure out what *I* want from life.  What feeds my soul?

So, friends.  What makes you happy?  What feeds your soul?