Thursday, June 21, 2012

Release

I've been going counseling for a few months now.  We're doing EMDR to clear old issues that have been plaguing me for pretty much my whole life.  It's fascinating how it works.  Unlike talk therapy it helps you process years worth of bad programming in a much shorter time.  It's not easy (but far easier than talk therapy) but it's invaluable.  It helps to have a completely AWESOME counselor friend.  And it has been working.  We have three main facets that we've been working on.  We're nearing the end of the first one.  The theme?  The old belief was "I'm worthless."  The new message we're stuffing back in my brain is "I am valuable."  The funny part is how my life has changed since I started all of this.  This is wonderful and amazing and absolutely terrifying!

I've realized some things in my personal relationships that were not supporting the belief that I have value.  These things are crumbling or changing.  This is bringing a sadness I can't describe.  But even through the sadness I can see that I'm on the path to a more fuller life that includes the belief that I deserve.  I deserve to be loved.  I deserve respect.  I deserve to be free to be myself.

I'm sure I'll share what the other two beliefs were about as I start to deal with them.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

moving forward

Things have become increasingly complicated a of late. Brett and I are having some challenges. I have requested that he come home so we can face then head on. So he put in his notice. In two weeks he will come home.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Wax and Wane

Everything has it's time.  Everything comes to an end.  I'm just acutely aware of these things in my life right now.    Not sure where anything is going in my life right now.  I feel like my world is just spinning.  And I'm flailing.  I just need to listen to those messages coming from the Divine (God? Angels? Guides? Rascally rabbits?) and step forward, only focusing on this moment.  So much easier said than done.