Sunday, May 13, 2012

Jealousy = Feelings of Inadequacy

No, it's really true.  When does jealousy NOT stem from feelings of inadequacy?  Fear of not being enough?  I'd LOVE to know because I certainly haven't seen it.

The last several months have been, for me, about feeling worthy.  I've battled old ideas.  Things I came up with as a child that are no longer valid.  Beliefs that I was not worth protecting.  Not worth dealing with during the day.  Not worth noticing.  Not worth being around.  Not worth having as a mother.  Do we see a pattern?

I'm not accepting these old tapes.  I'm not letting it lie.  I'm working on it.  I'm seeing a counselor who is helping me with EMDR treatments to help with these issues (and a couple others).  It only makes sense that I'm manifesting situations where I have to deal with these worthiness issues.  When I can get out of my head I see the truth that I have just as much value as anyone  and we are all amazing, blessed creatures.  But too often I stay in my head and flip out coming up with scenarios where everything is just a reflection of my lack of value.  Like living life as a hammer.  Everything is a nail.  I'm making a concerted effort now, after initial fallout (oh, hopefully I'll nip the fallout in the bud too), to really see how I'm freaking out only by my own image of myself.  That image is illusion.

So, I'm doing what I can now to hold steady, release the negative back into the earth to be filtered out energetically and receive guidance and comfort from the divine.  No more candy wrapper syndrome for THIS girl!  I am willing to release.  I'm willing to receive.  Thank you for my healing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh Jo! My beautiful friend that has been in my heart for 26 years. I am not sure what is going on with you, but know that I love you! Whatever it is, it will eventually pass, it always does!! Love your true friend, Laryssa