Sunday, January 09, 2011

Can I say it's Postpartum Depression?

I mean, my pregnancy is over. I'm depressed. My hormones are wacky and I feel thoroughly nuts. I cry a lot. I'm trying to function and sometimes I'm successful, other times I just sit around the house and sob. I can't trust my feelings anymore. I'm paranoid about my relationships in general. You know, depressed = self loathing = "They can't like me. I'm not likable." I know I can't trust those thoughts. But it's hard to redirect them constantly throughout the day. I don't want to bug my friends/family with it because I know really, it's time that will fix it. And again, I feel like I'm horrible so why would I want to bother anyone else with my drama?

Time goes on, I'm trying to function as best as possible. It's hit or miss. For today I'm trying to get some housework done instead of going back to bed, crying and falling asleep. I have goals, dammit.

For the record I had the most awful dream about the miscarriage last night/this morning. Really, it was horrible.

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