Saturday, January 02, 2010

Thank you, 2009.

When I first thought about the year we're leaving behind my initial feelings were "Thank goodness! Good riddance!" But as part of my really trying to grow as a person was to find the good in everything. To try to see how I can use each experience to grow. How to be grateful for everything life shovels towards me. Let me see if I can apply this to all the BS I have dealt with.

Complaint: A handful of people have irritated me.
I'm grateful for: A handful of people have mirrored, in me, things I'd like to cast off in my life. This has helped me create healthy boundaries for my self and for my family. This has helped me figure out things I should NOT do. If someone's selfishness has been irritating me I should make sure I'm not being selfish. If we're looking at ourselves honestly I think that we'll find out that sometimes we totally fall prey to these irritating little things. When I see someone being impatient I'm really trying to be thankful for the lesson and learn to encourage patience in myself. Plus, being the peace and the space in between, helps diffuse tense situations. This encourages patience in others.

Complaint: Money issues suck.
I'm grateful for: We're still good. I've had it worse. Others have had it worse than I have. Really, things aren't so bad. Plus it's given me some good lessons about money management and how important things are NOT. It's also shown me how supportive my friends are in my life. I'm a lucky girl :)

Complaint: I don't feel supported by the public school system and am frustrated that they're trying to label my kid and bully me into medicating him. No help Marshall just could not stop talking to classmates in order to learn. He. Was. Bored.
I'm grateful for: I have found new strength I didn't know I had. I am now homeschooling Marshall. He is thriving. I'm letting go of the public school model, acknowledging that it is fantastic for some kids but not for mine. Slowly, but surely, we are moving away from typical school and replacing it with a hands on method that works well with Marshall. He is a kinesthetic learner and is very bright. He does very well with short lessons, often learning as much info, if not more, in a fraction of the time than he did at school. I'm very pleased with his progress. Also, his confidence has improved and he is even more willing to talk to adults than he was before. I think it's funny. Seriously, his social skills are improving by homeschooling. Also, I've most definitely realized his ideal learning scenario does NOT involve other children. Science class at the Nature Center did not go well. When we try to take school with us to a friends house to do an hour's worth of work turns into 2. Seriously. He learns better in a solitary situation. Play is play and school is school and it makes sense why he was having problems in class. He'd much rather talk to everyone else.

Complaint: The new year marks nearly a year's worth of trying for a second child, again, to no avail. (collectively 4 years. from beginning to end 7 years)
I'm grateful for: This year has also brought patience and insight to this venture. I truly believe we will have another child in our life. I'm not sure when, or how, but I believe it will happen. Sitting with that peace has made this leg of our journey much easier. Last time we tried I spent a lot of time crying and bitter. This year has shown me I can be more serene. I can be can be more joyful for others who are increasing their family. Also, I know whenever this child enters our lives they will have the most excited and loving father, mother and brother ever. It will always know that it is loved and wanted. It has also given me reason to really analyze my diet and change some bad habits. Aside from the holidays I've really learned more about my body and have reduced how many refined carbohydrates I've eaten. You know what? It feels great to not have so much sugar in my diet. Considering how much diabetes is in BOTH sides of my family this is a VERY wise thing to figure out ;) I've also worked on a few tiny projects to put into the children/creativity section of my home. It's all about intention, right? ;)

Complaint: I've dealt with overwhelming health issues and equally overwhelming work loads.
I'm grateful for: Again, I've learned a lot more about how to create a healthy body. Also, I'm very grateful for having work to do. Work I can do from home while homeschooling Marsh. Also, my mother has helped me with homeschool stuff so I can work and this has been a big bonding experience for them. It's also helped me with priorities. I really feel I'm going to work more towards crafting and art. It makes me happy and I think I'm pretty good at it.

All in all, life has tossed me some pretty big lessons that felt very overwhelming at the time and I am choosing to see it all as work towards becoming a kinder, more loving, more patient, more driven, more grateful and more accepting person.

My resolution for 2010:
I will be more honest to others (and myself), to be kinder to others (and myself), to me more accepting and compassionate to others (and myself), to live what I love, to create an atmosphere that embodies what I truly want it to be, to enjoy my friends often while creating healthy boundaries that benefit both parties, to truly show my husband and son how much they really mean to me, to speak with the kindness and compassion previously mentioned and to remember, *everyone* is fighting a battle.

Happy New Year, everyone! May 2010 show the fruits of your labor. May the challenges lead to great satisfaction in knowing that you have grown. Much love to you all.